I find it extrememly hard to write my first essay as I had many blockades, mostly surfacing in my head of course. I had a plethora of topics I wanted to write about but when it came to sticking to just one I was like a kid in a a Bakery- lacking in focus and decisions.
I kept beginning a topic and then throwing it away. I was like the sterotypical writer romanticed in the Hollywood movies, throwing her half written stories in the garbage. My head was spiining from the lack follow through next my bed. I just wanted to have one topic that made me so passionate that I could not stop ranting "The truth". So, there I was putting to much pressure on myself; and there it was.
That defines the problem, the sterotypical scorned writer that I am, I put to much pressure on myself when it is for some form of publication or grading. Instead of just letting it come from flow and autonomous being I am in my head. That is when my worst writing comes out. I am a creative free flow writer and my draft sucks because of the amout of thought I put into it. I was focing on the rhetoric, the concept..blah blah blah.... I was not just being.
So, for my next piece I think I will just write to write and see what comes out and then do the polishing. No headiness, no perfection, no no no!!!
Again I have about ten ideas of what to write about. I was thinking about seriously writing about my recent breakup and how life changing it was but that is too drag for me. So I might right about a very intimate and secretive relationship I had with a women for years. It is personal and I don't want to be judged for writing it but it what has been on my mind. Yep, that's what it's gonna be.
